Infidelity – Discovering your Partner has been Unfaithful

How to deal with Infidelity in a relationships is not a simple task and there is no quick fix for emotional pain and betrayal of trust.  Discovering your partner has been unfaithful can be painful and traumatic or if you yourself are the one who has been unfaithful, then taking responsibility for your actions can be overwhelming and demoralising. When infidelity occurs in a relationship, it not only affects yourself and your partner but also impacts upon family members and loved ones around you – it can be traumatic for all.

Moving forward after Infidelity presents a huge challenge to the individuals involved and deciding to repair the damage or to move on is never an easy choice. Accessing some understanding and/or forgiveness can facilitate future communication with an ex-partner (important if children are involved). Healing from the hurt is paramount and can be incredibly hard work, however infidelity does not have to bring about an end to your relationship. If all parties are committed to rebuilding trust, and reconnecting on a deep level, your relationship can survive an affair.


How to Tell if Your Spouse or Partner is Having an Affair

If you suspect your partner is cheating on you, there is no sure fire method to find out without asking them directly and receiving an affirmative reply, however, any combination of the points below may be an indication that you and your partner are  not communicating as well as you have in the past and that maybe deeper emotional issues and infidelities may be present:

They may be….

  • Emotionally distant or quieter than usual.
  • Have new or sudden fixation or their appearance, joining a gym or taking up some other form of exercise, changed appetite or weight loss.
  • Updating their clothing style without asking your opinion or engaging in the usual discussions you may have about this.
  • Avoiding conversations and subject matters that would not usually evoke such a reaction.
  • Participating new social circles and start referring to a certain person more often.
  • Changed body language, and acting out of the ordinary in general.
  • Secretive about money and showing different spending habits.
  • Changes in their usual routine and schedules

Dealing with the emotional pressure and finding ways to survive infidelity can be overwhelming .and your emotional responses may be confusing and painful to cope with. Everyone is different and reactions to a betrayal of trust are varied. Emotions you may experience include extreme sadness, disillusionment, anger, and may result in reactions such as denial, inability to concentrate, difficulty participating in daily routines, loss of appetite, anxiety, depression and much more. Reaching out to friends, loved ones and getting professional advice at this time can be an invaluable source of support.


 Moving Forward After Infidelity

Good people make bad decisions. We do it all the time. We hurt the ones we love the most.  We all make mistakes but the errors we make can be turned into an opportunity for growth and reconnection.

If the relationship is to recover, it is important and meaningful for both parties to find some understanding of the other.  Reaching a point of forgiveness, it is part of the healing process that is not always attainable so rather than collecting the broken pieces and scraping them to bin, they can be used to put the relationship back together with an honesty and a love in a way that is stronger, more informed, wiser, and more sustainable.

Counselling can help you both either separately or together, to reach a point of feeling empathy and understanding in a supported way.  At Cottesloe Counselling Centre, we have psychologists and counsellors who specialise in this area and are available to assist you to heal your emotional pain and move forward with your lives and make decisions about your future. Diana can be contacted by telephone or email.

Further Reading


  1. The School of Life. The Meaning of Infidelity.
  2. Health Research Funding



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